I'm not good enough for heaven,
I'm not bad enough for hell,
and I might go somewhere in between,
but Purgatory's full.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,590 Literary Works • 673,544 Reviews
ok so far i have liked all your work! your funny and extreamly original! its good to see something new!
lulu
ps hope to see more!!!!!
Critique two of five. This one is very short, so there's only so much I can say here. I apologise for that, I just chose this one as you said you'd prefer me to look at some of the older material, and I think I'm better at critiquing poetry, so that's what I'm trying to stick with.
I agree with Meep about the half rhyme. (Words that rhyme with "hell" off the top of my head: bell, cell, fell, tell, well.)
This was a straight-forward little piece, and you said what you set out to say, but could you try showing us rather than telling us? Coule you maybe suggest that you're "not good enough for heaven" and "not bad enough for hell" by giving us images and examples, that is to say, suggest it rather than state it?
Hope this helps.
Jas
I like it, except the almost-rhyme between "hell" and "full" rubs me the wrong way. Is there any way you could re-word it to avoid that? (You don't have to, really, it's probably a matter of personal preference.)
I read your piece, "Ode To Burnt Toast", and I liked it so much that I figured that all your poetry much be awesome. So, when I saw this, I opened it without a second thought.
It did not disappoint.
Peace, love, chocolate.
Muffin
Sweet. Too short to write a full review on, but this is the sort of thing that makes you smile.
It's kind of short, but I get the point of what you are trying to say.
Hmm, sorry to say but I didn't like this, just becuase it's short I think you have not given it what it deserves. I dunno, to me it was just a peice of writing plonked there, it didn't mean anything and well It might just be me but meh.
Maybe make it longer? Like keep this bit, or add more to it?
Meevs
x
Woo. Short.
This could definitely use some expansion. What exactly did the narrator do to make him/her think this way? There definitely seems like there's a backstory that we need to know in order to truly know where you're coming from.
... What am I saying? I love short poetry (it's not as much to read, and it keeps my interest).
Ahh, sweet.
Could there be more to this?
Great work,
Alainna
xxxx